Tuesday 30 April 2013

so..... to help 2 criminals escape...... it is necessary for.....


.... 2 other people to be arrested.......

So during the planning stage, I wonder at what point did the gang think .... so we spring the 2 blaggers and then the police arrest 2 of us ......


And no doubt the 2 prisoners who were sprung, will be easily caught, so that will make , 2 out , 2 in , 2 in ......and they shake it all about ... ooh the okey cokey .....ooh the okey cokey ....knees bend, rah rah rah !

with a bit of luck they will soon be back on the .....


more rope vicar ? ............








After the first day of the trial, the judge reminded the jury to decide the case fairly and squarely on the evidence you hear..... that shouldn't be too difficult then.....

Monday 29 April 2013

My Substitute Preacher......

..... music is a wondrous thing....especially for some one like me ....... I am to singing what the Boston Strangler was to door to door salesman........ and so it was, I was thinking, just how many songs have been professionally recorded ? ...... and the answer is ?

Nobody knows......

So I could be forgiven for not having listened to every song, because nobody could. Say the average song lasts 3.5 minutes and say on average a life is 75 years long, that means you are alive for around 39,445,920 minutes [give or take] so even if from womb to grave you listened to a song back-2-back you would still only be able to listen to 11,270,262 songs.

I am sure there have been lots more than 11 million songs published........ I did read that one person had suggested there had been more than 623 millions songs published. [postscript ~ since first posting this I now read that there are 35 million tunes on iTunes, so even if I lived till I was 225yrs old I still wouldn't get through that play list...]

So on balance, rather than trying to listen to every song, we discriminate by musical choice, and whilst I am not averted by heavy metal music, I tend not to search it out.

So as a consequence of just this genre of music, there are many songs out of the potential 623 million that I am bound to miss..... although thanks to some Austrian F1 fans, I was once awoken next to the Monza F1 circuit with my tent converted into a sub woofer ....with the sound of being thunderstruck..... but a great track nevertheless..... but there are countless others I have missed....until Saturday last....

There I was gawping out the window ...... in between bouts of thumping my keyboard, as to whether or not the demurrage costs were in fact demurrage or just a plain and simple cock up, but at the same time listening to music.... well blow me down...what came next was another of those....wow I love this song..... moments .......

However, turns out it was originally an heavy metal song ..... but instead ..... Bhi Bhiman has taken it to a different level.....

The Bhi Bhiman version does not appear on youtube, [my staple diet of music] ....
but here is Monday's SoD.....


usual rules apply ~ select a good set of head phones, 
place the phone off the hook, and crank up the volume

And if you are wondering, is it possible for a rainbow in the dark ? ..... yes.... here's one I prepared earlier, I was amazed when I saw it..... Niagara Falls...




Friday 26 April 2013

The gullible and the greedy......

.... I can't work out who is more dim witted.... The seller or the buyer ??

If you saw this in a comedy movie you would laugh and see the funny side...but when you see this in real life..... you just have to shake your head.... it's the fact they are still in use I find quite bizarre...as if the whole story was not bizarre enough....


I did wonder....at what point did any of the buyers not think to get some real explosives and actually test the unit in a 'live' situation.....shouldn't have thought it was too difficult to find some explosives in Iraq is it ?

But when it comes out in court that it is a JOKE golf ball finder.....yes that's right it's a joke novelty golf ball finder with absolutely no electronic wizardry or otherwise......part of me says.... well if you are dumb enough to be that taken in....you shouldn't be the one checking for explosives anyway !

But it seems life is full of jokers and chancers .... although some will be taken in.... millionaire businessman, James McCormick, 56, of Langport, Somerset, said to have made £50m....is proof positive of that !

Funny enough on the same day of reading that story the email below appeared in my inbox..... this is the not the first time and I am sure any one can recount similar emails .....I believe they are referred to as 419 scams..... but reading the email you do have to wonder..... is the sender another James McCormick character ?

It was the line ..........
  • I successfully over invoiced a contract few years back which is not known by anybody and, I need your full cooperation and partnership to re-profile this contract funds amounting to US$2.5M to your name as the contractor that executed this contract in Asia few years.
So, he did this secret and illegal act, was clever enough to get away with it, and now he writes to a complete stranger [ie Me] and offers that stranger [ie Me] 40% of US$2.5M....wow this guy is trusting.......

How does he know I don't work for  
A) Inland Revenue [I don't but he doesn't know that]
or
B) The Police [I don't but he doesn't know that]
or  
C) Exxon Mobil [I don't but I did once work for BP Oil Company but he doesn't know that],
and to cap it all he provides his full working title but does say not to contact him at work.......der ! of course I would need to contact him at work, to make sure he is not scamming me or owt......

Now of course this is fake.... it's obviously a fake..... but it seems the human nature can easily be taken in.......

Although thinking about it...... I can buy a bloody lot of pies for 40% of US$2.5M......
Peter !...... Peter !..... Pete.....over here mate.......

And so we reach the end of another working week....and talking of emails, this morning one of my colleagues was following up with me, on an email I had sent a client on 8th April 2013.....that is only 18 days ago..... I looked at it...and have no recollection of writing it only two weeks ago..... 2 weeks !....... it seems like a life time ago when I wrote that email....how could it seem so long ago ?

And so here is my SoD to end the working week....it has nothing to do with scams....it has nothing to do with emails..... it is inspired by my previous post regarding David Toole.

The song at the closing ceremony was sung by Birdy, and she does some great arrangements..... but the song to accompany David Toole was originally done by Antony & the Johnsons.....

One of those artists who I have heard of from afar, but never really discovered..... so the OC clip for David Toole finally introduced me directly to A&J...... and the original version of Bird Gerhl......

This is another one of those songs.....where I urge you to download it...... 
then wait till it is dark...... lie on the bed alone....
headphones on....
[make sure they are a decent set...not cheap crappy market stall ones] 
then crank up the volume.....
 close your eyes and as the words strike up...
imagine your self flying like David Toole...... 
immerse yourself in the song....
and you will fly.....
it does work.....
this song can take you to a new place....
away from the madness 
of the real world !






~~~~~~~~~


ExxonMobil House

Ermyn Way

Leatherhead

Surrey, KT22 8UX.


Dear Sir/Madam

I am Mr. Peter Alexandra, representing the operation and corporate affairs in contract related matters of Exxon Mobil in London (http://www.exxonmobil.com).  Exxon Mobil is one of the World Largest oil producing and Management Company with over 1.2 Trillion pounds Capital contract Investment.
As a senior operational and corporate affairs representative of Exxon Mobil that handle contract related matters, I successfully over invoiced a contract few years back which is not known by anybody and, I need your full cooperation and partnership to re-profile this contract funds amounting to US$2.5M to your name as the contractor that executed this contract in Asia few years.
The fund will be paid to you through a Finance Company where it is presently deposited as soon as the filing and documentation process is concluded in your name because the contract was executed by Exxon Mobil United Kingdom in Asia.
Most importantly, you will be required to fill your data's stated below to enable me arrange legal documents that will proof you as a sole contractor with EXXON MOBIL:
(1). Stand as the beneficiary / contractor with Exxon Mobil to receive the funds as I will present you before the firm with legal documents.
(2). Receive the funds into a business/personal bank account in your country.
(3). At the completion of this transaction, the sharing rates shall be 60% for me, 40% for you.
(4) Full Names;
(5) Contact Address:
(6) Direct Telephone No:
(7) Occupation:
(8) Age and Marital Status:
(9) Means of Identification:
Note: Do not contact my office number or company email for security reasons. Get back to me as soon as possible For more details about the funds.
Best Regards.
Mr. Peter Alexandra,
Operation and Corporate Affairs Officer
ExxonMobil London.

Wednesday 24 April 2013

Quite exceptional.......truely....

..... remarkable ~ David Toole

David Toole first appeared on my radar when I was watching the documentary movie about the divine talent that is


Sat on one of the count less plane journeys that have dominated my life these past few years, I was button clicking on the media remote and I was seeing the images of Tanja Liedtke flicking across the screen. So having aroused my curiosity, on the plane journey home I watched the documentary of the all too brief life of Tanja Leidtke....... Tanja Leidtke was a rare talent indeed but through that movie this appeared.... 

David Toole.......
if you have never seen him before be prepared to be blown away..... 
I warn you it is quite exceptional......



So why David Toole today ? simple really...I was doing my usual clicking away and I saw a reference to David Toole performing at the Paralympic Games Opening Ceremony London 2012...... well I missed it first time round and watched it today.... you can only look in the mirror at your self and reflect upon the lack of inspiration in your own life.......


Birdy Birdy Birdy........ truely remarkable.... my SoD


Monday 22 April 2013

I'm rich I tell ya.... rich I am..... wealth beyond my wildest dreams.....

...what the hell is the BBC's obsession with the RICH LIST...... ??

I came from a p1$$ poor back ground, but fortunately when my DNA was being chewed into a double helix strand, it was imbued with a dash of intelligence and a smattering of common sense, although by contrast, there were a heap of flaws and failings wrapped up in the code as well, but because of the good bits [and in spite of the more overwhelmingly flawed bits] of my DNA, I like to feel I have achieved a modicum of financial success.....

But during the poorest years at the start of the 50 year staying alive campaign, and now at the less poorer years of the same said campaign, I have never been too fussed by others wealth. Sure, I want to bid rid of the constant threat of life in the work-house through fear of not having a pot to p1$$ in, but do I really care whether some Russian Oligarch or some no mark celebrity has so much money, such that they can't really spend it all in one life time ?



Look East seemed so excited over the weekend telling us how many East Anglians, are in the top list including Ipswich Town Owner, Marcus Evans....but we don't have a photograph of him because he is so secretive they declared......aaaah..... so you know how much money he has in the bank but you don't have the nounce to send the intern the few hundred yards to the football ground with a digital camera and snap Mr Evans as he walks into the ground to watch his beloved Ipswich Town ? 

Can't be that secretive...he has his name plastered all over the side !!




But when I watched the main BBC evening news, they were at it too....... honestly, why do the BBC know the cost of everything and the value of nothing ? So to the news editors at the BBC [if you are reading this and I know you do so don't say you don't read this blog because you do]....find something worth while to report, but please oh please stop getting excited by other peoples money....I'm not !

There can only be one song really.....

Chin in,
chest out,
deep voice
and off we go.....
If I were a......




Friday 19 April 2013

It's Friday and the close of the working.....

....week......... and so this is my end of the working week SoD.....

why this song ?....
because it's my blog and I am allowed to do this.....




Thursday 18 April 2013

the first rule of bei.......

.......being a ninja .....

The current news of the day, just seems to go from one sad story to the next, it's difficult not to keep seeing in your mind....... that picture of Martin Richard, his smiling face looking straight at you....

So I thought I'd move away from current news events and default to something different. 

I love pies, I love The Blue Nile and I love gadgets....but I also looooooove Myth Busters.... Myth Busters is like the bible of truth against the crup urban myths people perpetuate [on the basis that if they say it long enough and repeat it enough times on the internet, then it will be true]..... so along come the Myth Busters......

They are very keen on visiting myths about Ninja's....do they actually exist ? I often wondered .....and then came Russell Howard who once had a real life true one on his show.......although to be fair the bloke was an englishman dressed all in black who claimed to hide in bushes at night.....erm erm erm...... not my immediate pre-requiste of being a ninja I thought....

And then I saw this:  

Wanted: Suitable applicants for Ninja training

When I had been skimming across the BBC web news and looking at the 10 most read headlines, I saw this one:


ninjas heading for extinction


So I clicked on it and got this :

so you wanna be a ninja

It did get me thinking that maybe there is a reason Ninja's are "dying out"

But in these modern enlightened times do we really need Ninja's anymore ?

Plus Ninja's are essentially on the side of the righteous and meant to be good fighting evil ?

But imagine there you are, at say a London underground station and armed police are chasing a man through the barriers, so you think, this calls for a ninja....and so the ninja turns up...... all dressed in dark blue, head covered by bandana,  with only the eyes showing, and the ninja is armed to the teeth......now providing the man being chased is not an un-armed Brazilian man simply running for a train, as he is late........... I reckon there is every chance the police will, stop chasing the man, and instead turn and shoot the ninja on sight.......... shoot him more than once as well !

So take my advice, don't apply for the job of Ninja, as it could be way way too risky.


There can only be one SoD for this:


Tuesday 16 April 2013

A sad day on planet earth........

...what can you say about yesterday's events...... 3 different stories, 3 sad endings.....





People talk about God and his [is he in fact a he and not a she ?] but people talk about his omnipotent presence and how he rules our lives........ where was GOD yesterday, when Martin Richard was cheering on his dad ? where was he hey ?......

I am buggered if I know.......

Another not SoD day and instead another day to say a quiet prayer.......

Thursday 11 April 2013

I give my heart unto thee.........

.... listen to the radio this morning, during the daily funk for work ritual, I heard the headlines about organ donation.

It seems that organ donation is up by 50% in the last 5 years, although somewhat surprisingly only 1200 donated their bits and bobs last year, naturally offering them up post death that is......

But whilst this is very encouraging the elephant in the room is still the issue of consent....


My consent has been given, by my choice to register on the organ donor register....... although why anyone would think my bits and bobs are worth having gawd knows...but if they can make better use of them than I have then good luck to them. But I made my choice for my reasons and my reasons alone. I certainly do not have to justify the reasons to anyone.

But.... and this is the big but, for those who choose not to offer their consent, they should not have to justify their reasons either. So when I hear the expressions of so called think tanks [and the like] that consent should be default for everyone and you have to opt out......I do begin to think ouch..... The state does not have a very good track record in making the best choices for people. 

Of course offering up your bits and bobs post mortem I think is the ultimate sacrifice and should always be left first and foremost to GIVE consent, rather than OPT OUT OF consent. This should be a life style [or is that death style choice] and not a political one. 

So to all the politicians out there if you are reading this [and I know you do...so don't deny it] keep your motions and votes off me bits and bobs and bugger off..... I'll choose what I do and don't give if you don't mind.....

However Tom says you can help yourself to his bits....


Wednesday 10 April 2013

she was only a grocers daughter.........

...... the start to my adult life was a product of the Thatcher years..... I had grown up in the crappy Old Labour years, and witnessed the winter of discontent....and then at 16.5yrs of age I was launched in to the grown up world of working that was 1979.

Maybe then, I was young and naive and now I am just old and cynical [aka grumpy] and in this blog I have shown my contempt for today's crop of knobs...ach erm... I mean politicians.

I neither consider Margret Thatcher as good or bad for the UK, but for sure she was the last of the true statesmen[woman] of our modern political era.

Agree with her politics or disagree with her politics...but dance on her grave ? Oh my word how depraved, elements of our society have become.

She ceased to be our PM 23years ago and left active politics in 1992, and if people want to decry her method of politics, by all means decry...but for the person she is/was since her exit from politics, she deserves some reverence, or at least a modicum of respect.


I was thinking what would be a suitable song of the day..... I did initially think Elvis Costello [as i like his music], the Elvis Costello song, ship building....a song of the times...but then when I saw that Tramp down the dirt was by Elvis Costello, I thought perhaps not, and so as I drove into work this morning a song from a band who emerged into the world much as I did* in the 1980's the glory Thatcher years......

A more appropriate SoD me thinks....



*[ of course the smart ones among you, might have noticed that U2 have done slightly better than I could have hoped for in those intervening years.... ho um, hey oh....]