Where do people now go to exchange their corn ?

... or for that matter where is grain now germinated in to malt ?

Now as the world debates the good cop, bad guys roles in Syria.... I thought I would focus on more mundane conundrums.

I could prattle on for hours and hours about Syria but in short, what I will say about Syria is...... Michael Gove is a fucking hypocrite of the highest order..... blathering on last night about some of his fellow MP's being disgraceful...... did he fucking blather on about the disgraceful slaughter of innocent men women and children killed at the hands of "western weapons"in Afghanistan and Iraq ? .....err..... erm...... err.... aaaah course not.... they were not slaughtered...... they were collateral damage.... how silly of me.... what a tosser he is ! If I was doing tosser of the day.... then that man, Micheal Gove would be the tosser of the day.....

No for today, I am left thinking where do all the people now go to exchange their corn and get their grains germinated as it seems all the corn exchanges and maltings have been turned into concert venues or gastro pubs.

One such malting is Snape Maltings. For anyone who finds themselves on a sunday afternoon in that part of Suffolk, you can do a lot worse than visit Snape Maltings. As it was, it was a Friday night I found my self visiting Snape Maltings.... to listen to the divine Staveley-Taylor trio of sisters.

One of their songs was a previous Friday desert Island SoD and so it was on this day last week, the Staves sang and strummed for my pleasure, usually at the same time. What was interesting about this gig, was the ticket said 7:30pm and by gove they meant it ! Usually such notation would mean the doors open at 7:30pm, so between then and the band moseying on stage 2 hours later you grab a pint or two....but nooooo this is Suffolk, this is Snape Maltings, so 7:30pm on the ticket, means plonk your arse on your seat at 7:30pm ready for the Staves to appear on stage at that time. Thankfully, we made it.

So I got home from work at 6pm, managed to get funked up, drive to Snape, have a 2 course meal, watch the Staves live, and be back in one of my local pubs by 9:30pm..... that's one thing in favour of bands coming on stage the time the ticket says !

The Staves sing some gentle little numbers and whilst I am happy to see raucous bands, even bands with a singing penis..... I am also partial to some of the more gentle songs about life.... and the Staves delivered that.... well worth a visit to see them live if you like that sort of music.... [be warned they do witter on abit between songs....and of course being sisters, they think their sisterly banter is funny..... sometimes it's not... honestly ladies.... it isn't]. 

But as for their singing....well fab..... If you don't get to see them live, then at least buy the album Dead Born and Grown.

So here is this weeks Friday Sod

and not a germinated grain in sight.....

right I am off to exchange some corn..

assuming there are any proper corn exchanges left........

The things you see at a US airport.....

.... Long Beach Municipal airport wants to be up to date but at the same time doesn't want to loose it's vernacular architecture, so it retains it's art deco facade and very nice it is too.....

 
but what did strike me [as part of it's modernisation] is perhaps they assume Americans [or even us Brits] that having just got off a plane waiting for our luggage, we don't need to be reminded of the bit that is up is the sky [as we have just got out of a plane] but very importantly that they do need to tell us........ that what we are now standing on..... is the ground.....

ta dah....

Only Americans need to be told where the ground is..... 

this calls for a bit of Brucie I think.....

 I am partial to a bit of Brucie.... 

good game....good game....

God Bless America....

Twat Tax.......

Seeing Shiad Mahmoon hit the rogues gallery of notorious speeders, reminded me of Captain Ranty's attempt to argue that he could not be punished for speeding under the doctrine of  being in lawful rebellion. To be fair, looking at some of the punishments metered out in this rogues gallery, I bet some of the miscreants wished they'd declared unlawful rebellion too !

Captain Ranty offered up a seemingly detailed and well researched argument of why he should not/could not be prosecuted for the speeding offence.

Reading through various ripostes to the proposal of his argument and the counter argument for lawful rebellion, the reality is, no matter how reasoned the argument in favour of it, it was never going to win, not before the court at least.

And reading the dialogue, is it/was it a valid argument ? couldn't say if I am honest. If I had nothing left to do in my life and was feeling a bit bored I am sure I could research it fully and come to my own conclusion, but no matter how pernicious speeding fines may seem, I think on the whole I have done quite well in my 33 years behind the wheel....not continuous I hasten to add, but I have clocked up a few miles, and in those miles I have clocked up a speeding ticket or two.

And on every occasion, yep I was unlawfully speeding. Normally the policeman/woman {delete as appropriate} when issuing said tickets, make you feel like a naughty child, and yet the last one I received, the police officer was so nice and so charming I nearly wrote to the Suffolk Chief Constable to tell him how pleased I had been with the service...... I didn't though.

Where every village in Suffolk is fixed at 30mph and with most built areas of Suffolk [and even the non built up] being a village, your chances of getting a speeding ticket are quite high.

The last time my vehicle was registered for going faster than the speed limit permitted, I was duly invited to a night class for the speed awareness course. Fantastic I thought. A night out, no fine, no points.....result.

The woman running the course, thought I had just admitted to microwaving a cat, when I happened to declare that I once drove on the German Autobahn at 145mph.

She seemed so disappointed when I told her I had broken no laws when doing so.

But having successfully graduated from the course.......now when PC Police officer stops me and says...... do you know wot speed you woz doin sir ?....... I can say yes officer..... I've been to night school for speed awareness......... and look I've got a certificate to prove it.

But looking at Captain Ranty's crusade on the speeding prosecution [part of a much wider campaign it seems] I'd have let the speeding one go, to be quite honest.*

I have a paid a total of £410 in speeding fines over the years and in 33 years covered around 495,000 miles. So overall that works out at around 0.08p per mile, twat tax. That works out at 0.0067p per litre, on my chosen brand of fuel.

Now there have been many occasions where perhaps/maybe/possibly {delete as appropriate} where the speed limit has been exceeded by me and I've not been caught.

So if one brave government said, we are not going to prosecute for speeding anymore, but we will add say 0.0067p to the cost of a litre of fuel instead, I would say that is pretty good value for money...... a lot better value, than the shit load of Duty & VAT we currently pay on fuel.

Now that idea would get my vote for sure......and to those of you out there who claim speed kills....... yeah, yeah, fucking yeah..... next you'll be telling me that wind generated power is the answer to all our energy woes.

My SoD... is this.... 

At the time it came out.... something different 

but if only slightly dated now....

*[Captains Ranty's Crusade Postcript: He recently published an open letter to our illustrious PM - Dave I'm a Wanker Cameron . There are it seems two versions of this open letter available but I prefer this more uptodate one It is erudite, well articulated, unambiguous, and well constructed. It offers meaningful debate to DwC and most of all conveys honesty and integrity, something most of our politicians seriously lack......]

and the final killer line SoD for this week.......

Adele's magnificent performance at the RHA...... setting fire to the rain

But I set fire to the rain,
Watched it pour as I touched your face,
Well, it burned while I cried
Cause I heard it screaming out your name, your name

I was falling for you like the sun did the moon......

.... Tom must be a fantastic hit with the ladies....

Into the black of the evening,
Under the spread of the stars
I was falling for you,
Like the sun did the moon
I remember that day in Verona

But there's an estranged organ in my chest, it beats for you.........

oh Marketa .... oh Markata how I loved you wrong....... today's SoD killer line

But there's an estranged organ in my chest
it beats for you 

It will not rest, so
Meet me in our secret place
When the time has come

Take me back to the water’s edge ......

And for today's SoD killer line offering, we listen once more to the delightful Kathryn Dawn.....

Take me back to the water’s edge
Lay me down on that river bed
Take me down to the water’s edge
Hold me under for the longest human breath

Under a fire red sky .....

...... man boasts of his own importance to the planet, his superiority to the other animal life, his ability to change the climate, for the bad...for the good..... even claiming to harness the weather for cheap and sustainable power.....yeah right....

But you can only marvel at the ability of nature to create something that man could never achieve.....

A fire red sky.....

From the white heat, through the hot reds to the smouldering greys....sure Dawrin may have said we came from apes.....but no monkey could make this scene......

The one thing that humans are good at though..... is the ability to evoke emotion through the choice of certain words arranged in a particular order for maximum effect. Interestingly it is not limited to the english language [though mine is] and so it must be an innate talent handed down through our DNA.

Not every one has it either, but some do, and those that do, do and those that don't [like me], read and appreciate. George Orwell for me, is one of those that that do. Coming up for air especially.

For others it might be Shakespeare, for some, dare I say it.... it might even be E L James, but whoever it is for you, you know it when you see it, and when the words enter your mind, the trigger is sprung.....

Well it happens in songs too....... the killer line, and when you hear it, you just get hooked by the line..... rumer has it........so for a series of killer lines in songs.........the start is this.....

When I wake up, I see a fire red sky
And I get my down on my knees and praise in disbelief
As this beauty lay before my eyes

Duty Not Free......

.... before the harmonisation of our european cross border duty and taxation joys, we would look forward with some excitement towards the visit at duty free at the airport. The prospect of cheap fags, booze and goodies.

If a trip was planned we'd save our purchase till we reached duty free. My wife still does it now....next time you are at the airport can you pick me up some estee lauder lipstick/face cream/bum rub {delete as appropriate}.

But the reality is, there isn't really such a thing as duty free at airports any more...... with the boredom of more air travel looming, I wandered round the delights of London City Airport, and checked out the price of one of my favourite tipples...... Cardhu 12 yr old malt.

On the high street it's available at £31.45 inc VAT ......whereas in Duty Not Free, my Cardhu would cost me a whopping......

£44.99 if I keep it in the EU and £40.99 if I take it out of the EU....

well that's a bargain then.... nothing to do with the ban on liquids of 101ml or more being taken into the airport in hand luggage I would think. 

So not only is it not Duty Free, it's not even bloody VAT Free..... I wonder why in these day's of smart phones, so many people buy goods at duty free thinking they are getting a bargain and yet if they checked their smart phones before handing over their credit card and boarding card they might see that perhaps they are simply buying Duty Not Free.

Talking of boarding cards, I brought a packet of fruit pastilles and a bottle of coke from W H Smith at the airport...... at the till there was a big sign saying have your boarding card ready...... my bloody boarding card ready ?..... just to buy fruit pastilles ?? ....... me being the belligerent traveller I am, queried the till assistant why she needed my boarding card when she requested it from me.....[despite the sign I had not volunteered it] ...... 

she said so we can track your purchasing habits sir...... do I have to show my boarding card ?...... I asked in a sneering tone.... no.... she said...... I gave her cash instead.... it worked..... I walked out of the shop with my fruit pastilles and coke and W H Smith have no way of knowing it was me what brought them. Why do these friggin retailers think they are the FBI and should track our every movement ?  Of course it was not the assistants fault, she was merely following orders. I did say to her....and not in a sneering way.... that I respected it was not her fault as I handed over cash sans boarding card.

Talking of coke it turns out that at Frankfurt airport, coke is more expensive than beer......

The coke was €uro 3.30...... I choose the coke

Talking of Frankfurt airport...... the things you see at an airport...... I saw this......

My immediate thought on seeing it was....... that is going to be a complete bugger to fit in the overhead locker...... no way I thought.....

Talking of things you see at an airport..... on my way home from Frankfurt... I then spotted this......

Thinking about it, they must be quite difficult to light..... and also they are quite big, I can't imagine you could smoke a whole one on your own...... I wonder if [once you've finally got it lit] you have a drag then pass it round.....bit like a shisha pipe ?.....

 but when it comes to lighting it, you'd have to make sure you lit the right end....light the wrong end and it adds a whole new meaning to the phrase......christ, this tastes like smoking camel shit !

 Talking of smoking I also saw this at London City Airport.......

Now as it happens I am not a smoker, but if I were I'd be looking at these and thinking......erm err erm mmmmm...... I best have the ones on the left, they are only going to seriously harm me, whereas the ones on the right are going to kill me ! I think that would be an easy choice.

They are both Monte Cristo brands, so they must have like two separate production lines, one for the cigars that will kill you and the another one, where they don't fill the cigars with as much toxins so they only seriously harm you rather than actually kill you.

Imagine at the factory....... err Bert I see you are on the killer production line today...... yes arry I thought it would be more exciting on this production line...... what do they put in these cigars  to kill people anyway ? ....... dunno Bert.... I heard a rumour it was camel shit...... ere arry fancy going out for a smoko ? ......sure Bert...shall we have one of your killer cigars or one of my harm you cigars ?...... err err err I think we'll have one of my killer cigars arry....bin a tough day today I could murder a cigar.

Air travel is quite boring really.... causes the brain to think lots of shit...... my brain thought lots of shit yesterday..... but as always, my way of helping switch off, is through music. 

So wandering around airports/going through security/boarding planes I plug in my Sennheiser IE6 and create my sound track moments. I always have the same playlist for airport travel and there is always something quite paradoxical watching these people meandering/being herded around like cattle whilst listening to some great tracks.

Here is my Friday selection of the highlights.........