... this morning was my 3rd funeral in 6 months ...... so I am now advising friends to keep well clear of me ...... I don't know who's it will be next .... shit it might even be mine at this rate ....
I've never really worked out what the funeral is for ..... the deceased ? the close family ? friends ? .....
I've heard it said that it is a way to say good bye ...... certainly a different sort of a good bye than perhaps saying good bye to someone close and still living yet you know you will never see again ...... but thus far my latest funerals have been a murder victim, natural causes of an aged aunt, and now a far too premature... young lady ..... before that it was my dad's ..... that was different for me ..... but these last 3 ..... I've sat there somewhat as a bystander ..... seen the closely bereaved .... family .... friends and the acquaintances ..... all of us perhaps reflecting on our own mortality ? ..... who knows, maybe we are grieving for ourselves..... my eldest brother claims it's self pity ..... that's a bit harsh but then again....
But I have never seen a funeral as a way to say good bye ...... I haven't said good bye to my Dad and it's over 3 years now .... doubt I can ever say good bye to him .....
But actually this morning I didn't reflect on my mortality .... all I could think of was Katie ...... everything to live for ..... her Mum and Dad having their daughter being 21 years old for always never to grow old .......Katie's young man, his hopes stolen from him ...... her brother now being an only child ...... my youngest daughter being denied a friend into old age ...... I remember once there was a birthday card for one of them, it showed two very old ladies with some witty prose ..... not any more ..... 21 year olds are not supposed to leave this world with a heart attack .....
..... but fuck they do ..... even since Katie passed away, I have read about 1 young woman being killed by being hit by a tree whilst on an adventure of a life time in South America ...... and then only in the last few days .... a young woman took some slimming pills and that was it ..... walked into hospital ... they said there was no antidote ...... she didn't make it, there was shit all they could do for her ....... Only this past week, in the local paper, another 21 year old ..... a promising young golfer had his life cut short.....
What is the meaning of life ? .......... not a fucking clue .....
but it sure as hell isn't fucking 42 ....... so this morning I didn't reflect on mortality ...... I couldn't think of words to express what it was I felt .... what I feel ..... I couldn't even bring my self to make small talk with the other mourners ....... my gob failed me ..... my gob is still failing me .....
So no song of the day shit today ....... but instead put on the head phones, with just a couple of songs to listen to whilst staring out of my office window ........ is this really it ? ......... really ? ...... is this why we get all worked up ?
I've never really worked out what the funeral is for ..... the deceased ? the close family ? friends ? .....
I've heard it said that it is a way to say good bye ...... certainly a different sort of a good bye than perhaps saying good bye to someone close and still living yet you know you will never see again ...... but thus far my latest funerals have been a murder victim, natural causes of an aged aunt, and now a far too premature... young lady ..... before that it was my dad's ..... that was different for me ..... but these last 3 ..... I've sat there somewhat as a bystander ..... seen the closely bereaved .... family .... friends and the acquaintances ..... all of us perhaps reflecting on our own mortality ? ..... who knows, maybe we are grieving for ourselves..... my eldest brother claims it's self pity ..... that's a bit harsh but then again....
But I have never seen a funeral as a way to say good bye ...... I haven't said good bye to my Dad and it's over 3 years now .... doubt I can ever say good bye to him .....
But actually this morning I didn't reflect on my mortality .... all I could think of was Katie ...... everything to live for ..... her Mum and Dad having their daughter being 21 years old for always never to grow old .......Katie's young man, his hopes stolen from him ...... her brother now being an only child ...... my youngest daughter being denied a friend into old age ...... I remember once there was a birthday card for one of them, it showed two very old ladies with some witty prose ..... not any more ..... 21 year olds are not supposed to leave this world with a heart attack .....
..... but fuck they do ..... even since Katie passed away, I have read about 1 young woman being killed by being hit by a tree whilst on an adventure of a life time in South America ...... and then only in the last few days .... a young woman took some slimming pills and that was it ..... walked into hospital ... they said there was no antidote ...... she didn't make it, there was shit all they could do for her ....... Only this past week, in the local paper, another 21 year old ..... a promising young golfer had his life cut short.....
What is the meaning of life ? .......... not a fucking clue .....
but it sure as hell isn't fucking 42 ....... so this morning I didn't reflect on mortality ...... I couldn't think of words to express what it was I felt .... what I feel ..... I couldn't even bring my self to make small talk with the other mourners ....... my gob failed me ..... my gob is still failing me .....
So no song of the day shit today ....... but instead put on the head phones, with just a couple of songs to listen to whilst staring out of my office window ........ is this really it ? ......... really ? ...... is this why we get all worked up ?
For Katherine Lucy X
FROM THE ORDER OF SERVICE
Death leaves a heartache no one can heal
Love leaves memories that no one can steal ....
