And never forget ..........

....... today's low won't last and neither will tomorrows high

mlerry clistmas mister lawrence......

.... still looking like

the prettiest shoes

 in the whole wide world

ever ......

I think I am going to have an orgasm

This is the best christmas ever....

If youtube had been around during the life of christ..... then I am sure this is how Jesus would have sounded.....

........ it is in fact, of course the wonderful sound

of the velvet voice of Eric Bibb....

but if I had to describe christmas eve by the power of song

it wouldn't be jingle bells, it wouldn't be sleigh bells ....

With the lights dimmed low,
the fire embers burning brightly
a glass of whiskey in hand

this would be that song

for you ...
 

In fact Eric must have been around when Jesus was around...
he wrote a song about him .....

It might be a bit late to buy your self any more presents to
arrive in time for Christmas day but there is still time for New Year

so accept my recommendation and treat your self to

Eric Bibb - Diamond Days

This is one of my faves from the album

My Reward......

Landing back in good ole' blimey is somehow always reassuring.... seeing the lights of London and it's outer reaches......

I know I am home.... and this despite the efforts of the mighty IT dept of Air traffic control to bugger up the busiest airport in the UK........ I got off quite light with only a 1.5hr delay in arriving at Heathrow, which for a flight from Cairo, I thought was good..........compared to previous efforts....

For all my hardwork and for totting up a 78 hour working week in the sun baked sand riddled country that I always love visiting, I decided to treat my self with a new pair of cycling shoes...

And so when I returned to my office there it was, a nice neatly wrapped parcel sitting squarely upon my desk, resplendent with a Spanish postmark. I knew this is what I had worked so hard for.

I could hardly contain my excitement in opening the parcel 

and as I unwrapped it, there they were.......

Without doubt
the prettiest pair of shoes

I have ever seen

in the whole wide world

ever.......

As with my declared love for Alex Polizzi, who cares whether I am a sad delusional middle aged man..... never before have I owned a pair of shoes this pretty......

I checked them for size, and with one last longing look, I neatly put them back in the box......

Jesus woke up on Christmas morning to gifts of gold, frankincense and myrrh and so it shall be that I will wake up on christmas morning....... like an excited child...... and no doubt looking like a turkey bursting out of it's skin, I shall don the lycra, .............put on my nue shues..... and then jump on the bike.....

As I ride around my village in Suffolk.... all the neighbours will look out of their windows, and point....... saying to each other..... look at that...... there he goes riding his bike, 

in the prettiest shoes we have ever seen, in the whole wide world.......

What myrrh was to Jesus
then these shoes are to me...

my reward for being a good boy.....

This must call for a reward SoD

from the brilliant Teardrop Explodes

A ship was supposed to take me to Guildford today.......

... but instead I found my self on the road to Alexandria.....

I accept that Guildford is not quite your archetypical seaside port.... but that's the odd thing about shipping ...... surprising how far a ship can take you.... this particular ship is in fact the MoL Comfort and the reality is...... this particular ship is actually going nowhere these days, now that it has sunk....

But by the unpredictability of my work.... instead my meeting in Guilford was cancelled and Cairo became my immediate port of call....with a side visit to Alexandria.....

Some parts of the road to Alexandria are not necessarily picturesque

There was an aqua park on the way...but it looks like a very sad aqua park...

But when you finally arrive at Alexandria, it is worth the drive

The thing I find about Egypt...... it is a country of contradictions.....


Worn out buildings stand side by side with wonderful modern buildings......

The atrium at the Union Hotel is a stark comparison to the atrium at the Fairmont Towers, I am just glad I am staying at the Fairmont.....

For a country that had the wit and intelligence to build the Pyramids some 4,500 years ago whilst us Brits still lived in caves........on the drive back from Alex..... in the car to the right of us, it appeared that a young child was driving the car, until we realised the child was sitting on the drivers knee, and the car to the left of us, the driver was watching a TV program with the device strapped over his rear view mirror..... oh how times have changed in Egypt......

It was a ship that first brought me to Egypt some 35 years ago, as a young boy recently turned 17 years old, travelling along the Suez Canal aboard a super tanker, a 1/4 of a mile long.... the tanker not the canal that is....

And since then my life with shipping has taken me to many places, and whilst I may have missed out on Guildford today, shipping has taken me to Zambia for example..... another place along way from the sea ....... or Geneva, quite some distance away from the sea as well...... I have seen the Niagara Falls, had dinner under the shadow of the Sydney opera house, sailed along the Panama Canal, and on one weekend return journey...... found myself having Saturday breakfast in Perth Australia, followed by Saturday night out in Singapore's Chinatown, and getting home in time for a Sunday roast at my home in Suffolk.

I once flew first class with a Spice Girl..... she didn't recognise me....and to be fair I had to google which one it was.... I naturally refused to give her my autograph but we were both seen sporting the same first class cabin pyjama's.... they looked better on me....

It's been a funny working life.... in shipping........ but having now visited Alexandria for the very first time, I can now say with a smug grin on my face [not an aqua park grin] that I have now had an ice cold beer in Alex.....

This calls for a SoD.... 

in fact 2 for the same song.... 

the original by the sublime.... Nick Cave... 

and the other from the wonderful Camille O'Sullivan

Set Sail Nick.....

but Camille .... do you have to heave your bussom so much ?

I had a dream.......

... not a dream as in Martin Luther King..... I had a dream .....

But as a middle aged man seemingly with a troubled mind ...... I had a dream .....

Now of course, we all dream, it's just that most of the time we are out sparko and the dream get's lost in our sleep...... or if we do remember our dream, we are left thinking..... what the hell was that all about...did I eat some special mushrooms last night ?

We've all had them [dreams I mean, not magic mushrooms] ...... riding down the street on a uni cycle with our underpants on our head, fighting off talking purple bats who want to eat us......

Having a furtive imagination as a kid, I dreamed about alligators and funny enough running down the street in my underpants, fortunately my pants were where they were meant to be and not on my head.... but last night was one of those dreams.... from the minute I woke up, to this point in time as I type this, it has bothered me....

It bothers me because it seems[ed] so real, when I woke up it was as if it had been true, I remember every element of it. Normally with a head full of shit, my dreams get locked away into the dream recess of my head and it is only the shit that is let out of my head, to then be transcribed to this blog.... but today .... this dream was/is clearly a reflection of the thoughts in my mind.... worse still it was entirely contrary to capricorness that is me.....

It is said the truth hurts, and when others give the truth to you, sure sometimes it can hurt, but the truth will hurt the most when it is delivered to you by yourself.

I think that's what has troubled me so much about this dream ...... I walked out of one location/situation and instead of going back to it as I was supposed to, my dream took me to a new place with different people, and a place so different from the one I had left.......what it said to me was I should have walked away some years back and never returned when I had the chance .....

I had my chance and I let it go....
and yet it takes a dream 5 years later to tell me that....
the truth hurts.... this one hurts for sure..... 

and instead of being the Capricorn I thought I am ......

I am merely a weak man....

Hopefully on the night flight to Cairo this weekend maybe I can have less troubling dreams....

Here are 3 repeat SoD's

reflecting my troubling dream

let's hope it is only the SoD's

that are repeated.... I do hope so

It's funny what dreams can do to you

Courtesy of national geographic*....

....... I say be a deer 

and point me in the direction

 of the lavatory....
loving the hat by the way...

[* here is the link to original image]

cue national tune...

Tana ...... Tana..... do you f**king not... I repeat.... f**king not....

.... realise the supreme....f**king... sh*tting.... b*ll**cking irony of your comments ?

Now I don't claim to be a court reporter nor am I following the case with forensic intensity but I was struck by a very telling comment of the adorable but slightly dim wife of Gordon effing f**king sh*tting b*ll*cking Ramsey....

There is currently a case going through the courts where it is reported that Gordon effing f**king sh*tting b*ll*cking Ramsey should not be considered liable for a financial guarantee supposedly issued in his name.

He is arguing with the owner of a property his company rents, that he is not responsible for the financial guarantee as it is alleged that it is not "his signature" on the guarantee but is a forgery perpetrated by his father in law, non other than the father of Tana....

It appears that the signature was issued by use of a ghost writing machine and as Tana says.....

Mrs Ramsay said in her witness statement: "The knowledge that my father and brother had been systematically defrauding my husband was extremely distressing to me."
She said she was aware of the use of the ghostwriter machine. But she added that she believed the machine was used for signing merchandise when her husband was unavailable.

So Tana, it's a terribly distressing thing for your father to use the machine to create Gordon effing f**king sh*tting b*ll*cking Ramsey's signature..... I mean that is the fraud of the century........ but if that same machine is used to create Gordon effing f**king sh*tting b*ll*cking Ramsey's signature for merchandise that is not fraud.......

Thud *

As my current crop of SoD's

are trapped in the 1980's

how about this fab SoD

from the brillant Terry

come on Tana get ya ghost writer out for the boys

and let's see ya signatures.........

*[Thud - the sound of my head as it hits the desk..... we live in a bonkers world of celebrity madness]