Monday 20 October 2014

Cancer is ..... as ever..... still shit... all she wanted....

was to be with her family at christmas one more time....

Less than a fortnight ago, there she sat on the sofa looking the picture of health.... a beautiful crop of white hair........ she radiated all things good .....

It's not about the fact she is famous that makes the story of her passing sad..... it's the nature of her passing that makes cancer shit......



As she said..... nobody can choose when they can die, non of us do really, not truthfully we don't.....

But her choice was a simple one, her expectations meek.......and yet she was denied it...... by the shit that is cancer.....

Funny thing was, last week I spoke to someone for the first time for ages and she asked me how my wife was..... and the reality was I was stymied, I didn't actually know how to answer that question.

More than 2 years after I tried sucking a lemon.... time moves on but the pain[s] remain..... I could have just answered......and said....shes great thanks.... but look at Lynda Bellingham....she looked great....

I was in a way, taken aback by the question....simply because it was so kind of the person to remember.... it wasn't like we are close.... I was only ringing her, for her to book me a flight to Cairo.....

There were lots of choices of answers I could have given ......

1. She's alive
2. She's still receiving treatment
3. She is a cancer survivor
4. She is physically well but the scars remain
5. She is physically well but emotionally
6. She's great, thanks for asking

......... and quite honestly the list is endless...... but the truth...... the truth ? .....
I don't honestly know ........

I think the reality is......
 non of us ever really know

at 5:21 Lynda Bellingham said
it would be very embarrassing if I don't die
people will think I made it all up
to sell the book

she laughed
the interviewers laughed
I laughed...