And so it is yet another......

……. passes from the living to the……aaah he was loverly, I liked him

And so another name synonymous with your formative years passes from this life….

Patrick Moore passes away

He always came across as a slightly eccentric type, but reading about his passing there was a passage…..and gosh what a moving thing to read…… this is what it said :

The girl he was to marry was killed during the war in an air raid. He said since: 'My whole life ended in one day. These things happen. You accept them. As far as I was concerned, that was that. It's the reason I have never married. But I don't like living alone.'

Nevertheless he did live alone for most of his life at his beloved Selsey in Sussex.

So today it’s not so much a SoD....... but more of a homage to a charming man….

[DB is getting a busy showing just lately....... but what other tune could there be ]….

I wonder how much .........

......... an improper wash costs ?......

This calls for an improper SoD, me thinks......

Role model heroes redux.......

Not more than 2 days ago I was writing about sporting heroes, as symbols of our role models, then yesterday I was at a trade association lunch, at which kris Akabusi was the guest speaker. 

He spoke about his sporting life, he spoke about being inspired and he spoke about the Olympics.......and then he mentioned an incident involving Derek Redmond. I didn't recall it so I googlepediatubed it (how did we ever survive before googlepediatube)...... and this was it.........the thing Kris Akabusi was talking about

(because of the IOC you have to click on the link on the vid....it's not porn I promise and nor will you be disappointed)

It is often spoken about the bond between a mother and a daughter, but if there was ever an inspiring role model, this is it....... the love of a father for his son, to do this ....there never can be a more touching moment than this.....

God it hurts so much....... I miss my dad.....

Hanging on the telephone.......

.... I read this story the other day and it reminded me of something I did a couple of months back.......and anyone who has seen Michael Douglas in that fabulous 1993 movie, Falling Down might perhaps understand where I am coming from.......

Spam, Spam, and more sodding spam...... *

So a couple of months ago it goes like this :

Set Scene :

Home owner returns from a particular stressy day at the office and feeling quite wound up sits down for his evening meal.

On this day at around 1830hrs, and the same time everyday previously since a time he couldn't remember the same thing happened.........

Camera lights Action ! :

brrrrrrrg....... brrrrrrng......... brrrrrrrrrg

Husband: Why is it, every friggin night at the same time, the phone rings ? I bet it is those soddin spammers again.....why doesn't the government declare war on spammers now that Bin Lader is gone ?

brrrrrrrg....... brrrrrrng......... brrrrrrrrrg

Wife [sat in sofa seat]: You get it........it is bound to be those spammer people again and I have just made dinner for us....

brrrrrrrg....... brrrrrrng......... brrrrrrrrrg

Husband: ... puts down dinner and walks to phone and lifts receiver......

Homeowner [née Husband] Hello ?

Caller [recorded message] Our records show that you have been miss~sold PPI Insurance and that you are due to receive compensation. Please press 5 on your keypad and we will inform you how you can receive these funds.

Now it is usual at this point in the daily call that the homeowner let's out an expletive and then slams down the receiver to return to his dinner...... but today.....today is ..... Falling Down Day.... and it is at this point the homeowner exhibits a level of immaturity way way beyond his years.....

Homeowner [née Husband] ..... presses 5 on his keypad

Caller [human being] Good evening sir, you have listened to our message. Did you understand it ?

Homeowner [née Husband] Yes I did, and I want you to listen to this message and understand it....... if you or your company ever calls this number or me again, I will make it my life times achievement award to identify your company and it's location and I will fire bomb* it's offices.....UNDERSTOOD !

Slam ....... call ends

Wife [still sat in sofa seat]: Everything alright with your PPI dear ?

Husband [née homeowner]. Yes dear, all sorted, no problem at all. Do you have anymore gravy for me pie ?........this pie is loverly...... I love pies.

* I really did say this, and interestingly there are 2 things that spring to mind. 

1. Making such a threat on a call that you know is being recorded, should undoubtedly lead to a visit from PC Plod and his merry band of thought Police. Had he visited I would loved to have had my day in court, and I have no doubts, that I would not have been convicted.

However, this is the interesting thing.........

2. Instead of 1 above happening, something else has happened. Every time at the same time, the phone does not now ring and the homeowner gets to eat his dinner in uninterrupted peace ..... a good pie should never be interrupted.

So there can only be one SoD, it must surely be.......

but this does give me a great excuse to offer up this bonus SoD from Blondie which is one of my faves....... from this vid, for any pre-post-pubescent teenage boy you can see why she was every school boys dream, she was celtic, united, but baby we had decided you were the best team we had ever seen.......

[DH Postscript: I got a note to say Blondie are playing live in Thetford Forest in 2013......she is now 67 years old and still looks great..... but do I really want to destroy that great school boy dream ? ] 

* [Spam SMS Postscript: When I got one of these SMS text I did reply - see below - they never responded]

Where have all the heroes gone ? ........

..... first it was Lance and now it's Frankie.....

why oh why Lance did you let me down ?

why oh why Frankie did you need to do it ?

What is the world coming to ? ......

The generation of today need their role models, we can't rely upon the Politicians, certainly not the police, nor local government officials, please oh please say it's not X-Factor, even teachers [ just how many stories are we reading these days about the sexploitation of children by their teachers {both male AND female} ]...... even celebs [ yes I mean you Jimmy, if you can hear me down there ! ]... ..... but we have always relied upon our sporting heroes........until now it seems......

Let's just hope Bradley Wiggins and David Beckham don't let us down....

We've had our SoD for the day so let's consider this as a rally call instead, 

don't let us down Becks we are all counting on you..... 

hit it Davey

[seeing these two together got me thinking........,just imagine if DB & DB had a love child together, that kid would be the coolest kid ever, and I mean ever.....in the whole wide world.....imagine that....]

I've never seen a singing penis before.....

.... in my time I have met a few knobs, but I can't say I have ever met a singing one before.....that is of course until last Friday night at UEA.

To be fair we were there to see the Damned, but the Dickies as the support act, were just a sensational treat of the week, and to think leonard philips has a talking knob....and this knob has a name too, he's called stewart....

(c) ME 2012

But I'll be Damned........... the Damned were an equally good treat of the week ..........

so here is my SoDamned..........

it'sssssssssss christmas....but try and avoid a mistaken identity

....... as we have now entered the month of December, it can officially be called christmas, and no longer do we have to moan about shops stocking mince pies..... I love mince pies......

But I was listening to the radio the other day and Debenhams had announced that this year they were no longer having santa's grotto's at their stores...... The reason they gave was not quite the one I expected but it did then make me think somewhat....... They said they were not having grottos this year as it is too confusing for children when they see all the Santas in shopping malls, trying to work out which one is the real santa claus is confusing to children........

But then it made me think....... compare and contrast.....

Santa Claus:

• Very jolly man with white hair
• Instantly recognisable everywhere he goes
• Hospitals [especially childrens wards] love him visiting
• Seemingly not married, but loves to surround him self with children
• Doesn't have a negative CRB report
• Known by everyone with his trade mark greeting
• Wears trade mark coloured suit costume
• Parents actively encourage their children to write to him, with their wishes
• Children sit on his knee, despite the fact that he is to all intents and purpose a complete stranger
• [parents openly encourage their children to sit on his knee in this way]
• He puts his hands around/on the children whilst asking them what they would like most
• Then on christmas eve, with the full support of the parents, Santa enters the bedrooms of the children unaccompanied  [even though the parents are in the house likely as not fast asleep with the effects of too much alcohol]
• And so it is Santa is in the childrens darkened bedrooms with the lights off, parents in another room, and santa is allowed to rummage around leaving gifts as a bribe for being allowed to rummage alone in a minors room.

Jimmy Saville*:

• Very jolly man with white hair
• Instantly recognisable everywhere he went
• Hospitals [especially childrens wards] loved him visiting
• Seemingly not married, but loved to surround him self with children
• Didn't have a negative CRB report
• Known by everyone with his trade mark greeting
• Wore trade mark coloured suit costume
• Parents actively encouraged their children to write to him, with their wishes
• Children sat on his knee, despite the fact that he is to all intents and purpose a complete stranger
• [parents openly encouraged their children to sit on his knee in this way]
• He puts his hands around/on the children whilst asking them what they would like most

of course Jimmy Saville* did not wait until christmas eve to ply his trade it seems, but clearly

• with the full support of the adults, Sant.....ach erm JS entered the bedrooms of the children unaccompanied  [even though the adults were in the buildings] 
• And so it was JS was allowed in childrens darkened bedrooms with the lights off, adults in another room, and JS was allowed to rummage around leaving gifts as a bribe for being allowed to rummage alone in a minors room.

I love Santa claus, and when my kids were small did my utmost to maintain their belief in the wonder of Santa Claus, but after this year you do have to wonder if Debenhams had something else in mind when they chose not to have grottos.

As much as I love Santa, I loathe the image of the office party and so there is one song where you just know the office party has started and you are thinking to yourself, lordy lordy what am I doing here ?

I loathe this song as well [ just why in gawds name would you want it to be christmas every day anyway ?]  but it is dedicated to all out there, who love the office party..... right where is me tinsel and me LBD ?

POST~SCRIPT: As I was travelling back from Latvia, I was sat in the departure lounge listening to Costa Coffee's christmas SoD, drivin home for christmas..... I came so close to throwing my self under a 747, how cliché could that song be, at an airport at christmas......

So from me, my cheesy christmas SoD is this one.... poooroppopompom peace on earth.....

*[Proff reeding pestscript nite: I realised after the event of posting, that of course Jimmy Savile is not spelt with 2 L's....... funny how he ended up with vile at the end. Still if he started out with 1 L, I bet he's enjoying another Hell now ! Happy christmas Jimmy]

talking of things getting better.....

..... she might have had a few inner demons to wrestle with these last few years....but she can still captivate whilst belting out a great tune...... good on ya Sinéad .....

[Postscript: since posting this entry I have watched this video a few times now. Later with Jools, is a fantastic place to discover new music and enjoy some from the past, but of all the acts I have seen, this one......... oh my word this one.... true she looks a bit of a mess, she's had some challenging times, but my word, this one......... this performance must rank as one of the best I have ever seen on laters.....So if you're are reading this Sinéad....thank you and god bless x ]

I have no doubt there is a higher being.....

.... it was Monday morning, I didn't want to get out of bed, I walked into the en-suite and the underfloor heating still not working properly, [I need a bigger hammer me thinks], by the time I was all funked up, my wife declared the chippy and the roofer had arrived, so clothes on and straight outside, to discuss the nuances of wooden cheeks, only to find out our builder [albeit ex-builder] managed to fook up something else quite spectacularly, meaning more compromises, so now delayed for the dogs walk, and because I am delayed, it means that on the way back with the dogs I bump into a number of neighbours when I wouldn't have done so had I been out on time, but they are so loverly it would be sooooo rude not to stop and talk, especially when they are so caring enough to ask me how my wife is doing, so back late from the dog walk, but still need to measure and photograph all the soffits and fascias where the builder has fooked them up too, and then establishing he has overcharged me about £3000, meaning that by the time I am finally ready to head off to work, turns out the chippy nips off and needs me to look after his tools, so there I am baby sitting tools, whilst it's cold wet miserable and MONDAY MORNING !

I get in the car and finally head off to work, 3 hours late....and well my oh my, within the a blink of an eye of getting in the car this song starts playing on the radio........ as I drive to work, there I am singing with Bob, a favourite song, which whenever times get you down, this one will always lift your spirits.....

So as Bob says....... don't worry about a ting..........cause every little ting is gonna be alright.......

So there I was feeling pretty sorry for me sen on a Monday morning and just at the right moment and this song was playing.......... then if this is not evidence of a higher being then I don't know what is.....

You couldn't make this up.....

Set the scene:

Boss is in his car and out of the office for the whole day. It’s a recent Friday and the web/email hosting supplier for my company plans to migrate it’s customer accounts as a result of it’s decision to merge with another company….Internutters…..[They are not really called that but it seems appropriate]. According to the existing service provider, merger is in the interests of it’s customers and will lead to improved service, but during the merger customers will need to take no action as it will be...........

s e a m l e s s

Camera lights action ! :

Brrrrng…….brrrrrng…..brrrrng

Boss: Hi Steve, what’s up ?

Steve: Hi boss, there seems to be a problem with the emails, as the backup machines are not downloading any emails.

Boss: oh, perhaps it’s to do with the merger of our service provider. Ring their customer support help line and see what’s happening. Get back to me and let me know what’s what.

Click…… call ends

Wife [in passenger seat]: problem at the office dear ?

Husband [neé Boss]: No, should be ok

A short while later……

Brrrrrng ……..brrrrng……brrrrrrng…

Boss: Hi Steve, what’s what ? did you speak to them ?

Steve: Hi Boss, I did…..

Boss: And ?

Steve: I got through to Tech support, but they have got that many problems they are manning the tech support help line with sales staff, and they couldn’t help at all……

Boss: Oh…… leave it with me I will give it a try…..

Click….. call ends…….

Wife [still in passenger seat]: problem at the office dear ?

Husband [neé Boss]: No, should be ok

Brrrrrng brrrrrng brrrng…….

Service provider [recorded message] :Thank you for your call, if your call is about sales please press 1, if your call is for tech support help, please press 2

Boss: presses 2……..

Help line [recorded message]: Your call is important to us. Due to the merger of our business, our tech support line is very busy, you are in a queue, please be patient and we will answer your call as soon as possible……

…….. a short while later

Help line [human being]: Thank you for your call, how may I help you ?

Boss: We have a problem with our emails and they are not down loading, can you please help ?

Help line [human being]: Our tech support is very busy today, have you checked our web site for the FAQ section

Boss: Can’t you help me ?

Help line [human being]: Sorry no, you need tech support

Boss: So what are you then ?

Help line [human being]: Sales…..

Boss: But I pressed 2 for tech support

Help line [human being]: Yes I know, but all our tech support staff are busy with technical problems with the merger, so they have put sales staff on the help line

Boss: So you can’t help me with a technical problem then ?

Help line [human being]: No sir, sorry, but you’ll have to speak to tech support or try our FAQ on our web site

Boss: I’ll ring back later….!

Click……. Call ends

Wife [still in passenger seat]: problem at the office dear ?

Husband [neé Boss]: No, should be ok

A short while later ……..

Brrrrrrng brrrrng brrrrrng

Boss: Hi Steve what’s up now ?

Steve: We are not getting any emails at all now, we’ve not had any emails for the last 2 hours or so, but worse still we can’t now send out any emails.

[with an annual email through put of around 20,000 emails {excluding viagramail} things are starting to seem anything but seamless]

Boss: I’ll try tech support again, I got the same response as you did. Leave it with me

Steve: Ok boss

Click…… call ends

Wife [still in passenger seat]: problem at the office dear ?

Husband [neé Boss]: No, should be ok

Brrrrrng brrrrrng brrrng…….

Service provider [recorded message] :Thank you for your call, if your call is about sales please press 1, if your call is about tech support help please press 2

Boss: presses 2……..

Help line [recorded message]: Your call is important to us. Due to the merger of our business, our tech support line is very busy, you are in a queue, please be patient and we will answer your call as soon as possible……

…….. a short while later

Help line [human being]: Thank you for your call, how may I help you ?

Boss: Are you tech support or sales ?

Help line [human being]: Oooooh, I am tech support sir

Boss: We have a problem with our emails and they are not down loading can you please help ?

Help line [human being]: What’s your customer number sir ?

Boss: “recounts customer number and password”

Help line [human being]: That’s your old customer number and password  sir, your account has now been merged and we have given you a new customer number, could you please tell me your new customer number

Boss: I don’t know my new customer number, where will I get that information ?

Help line [human being]: We emailed it to you this morning

Boss: But I can’t get my emails, my emails are not downloading, that’s why I am ringing you, I need help to download my emails now that you have buggered up our emails

Help line [human being]: Oh. Can you please tell me your customer number and I will try and help you sir

Boss: “recounts customer number and password”

Help line [human being]: That’s your old customer number and password sir, your account has now been merged and we have given you a new customer number, could you please tell me your customer number

Boss: I don’t know my new customer number, where will I get that information ?

Help line [human being]: We emailed it to you this morning

Boss: But I can’t get my emails, my emails are not downloading, that’s why I am ringing you, I need help to download my emails now that you have buggered up our emails

Help line [human being]: Oh. Can you please tell me your customer number and I will try and help you sir

Click………. call ends…….

Boss brings car to rest at next layby and then slowly bangs head against dash board whilst sobbing quietly…….

Wife [still in passenger seat]: problem at the office dear?

Husband [neé Boss]: please open the glove box and pass me the medicinal compound……..

Todays SoD is dedicated to the idiot management at Internutters……..

W!ZZ Air redux....

..... as the plane landed on the tarmac at Luton airport, the passengers erupted into spontaneous clapping.....


Were they clapping because they had left behind a cold wet country ?....

....only to arrive in a cold wet country ?

Were they clapping because the plane hadn't crashed ?

Were they clapping because the plane arrived on time ?

Noooooo........... I think the most likely reason why they clapped, is because no one f@rted on the plane........

Let's all clap* to that one ..........

So this calls for a jingly jangly Wednesday song....... an unlikely combination I know, but soooooo soooo much better than the combination of farts and planes don't you think ?

*[ and for those of you having trouble clapping, see my first ever blog in the whole wide world]

Nice Parking......

..... it's not easy to park one of these things you know

Looking at the name of this ship did get me thinking.......Hina....ummmm,  Hina I thought...

What did we do before googlepedia ?...... and so it is I now know that Hina is a goddess....

But what say this happened in the ship naming meeting at the Offices of MSC.......

MSC Boss......Ok guys, the new ship is about to be delivered and we need to think of a name..... times are hard and we are having to cut back so we need to think about this one carefully..... China is a country that has lots of money to spend so perhaps we could name it after China, and they will like MSC more.....

MSC Office junior .....Boss ! Boss ! Boss !.... If you really want to save money, how about we name the ship after a goddess and not a country.......

MSC Boss.... so how will that save us money ?

MSC Office junior..... well boss, it will use less paint, so we could save money by not having to paint the C !....and boss, boss, boss this is the best bit, get this........ the Chinese will think the ship is called the MS China...... ta dah !

MSC Boss..... Hina it is then...... I name this ship the MSC Hina.

My SoD for today has nowt to do with China or ships as such but as the Hina was in Latvia, and the fact I'd never been to Latvia before, I thought I would pay thanks to my Latvian hosts and treat them to this.....[it is about the only thing they are famous for.....without the power of googlepedia..... try and name one famous Latvian......erm thought not]

Enjoy........

Welcome to Latvia.....

....you know you are in a safe hotel when you are transported in a Schindlers lift...

I know you shouldn't make light of such things but it did make me smile after a long and tiresome [read fart filled for tiresome] journey

But to end the day here is the wonderful theme tune to that magnificent movie

The thing about budget airlines is that they are.....

...... well..........catering to the budget market....... but wizzair were very wizzy......except for one thing.... and to be fair it wasn't wizzair's fault and it can and does happen anywhere, even Ben Howard concerts....

There is one thing that drives me nuts, and that considering planes are confined spaces at the best of times, but oh my god, when someone decides to share with the rest of the plane the aroma of their f@rt !!

Why oh why do they think that we all want to share it......because for sure we do not want to share it !

One day, when in a confined space and I whiff the bouquet of some ones ar$e, I am going to stand up and declare that I do not want to smell them farting and would they please keep it to themselves. I already have my speech prepared.

I have not done it yet, and I think I will need to use the "3 strikes and you are out principle", except I shall apply the "3 farts and I stand up principle"

And yes this did happen at the Ben Howard concert and I very nearly stood up, but I didn't want BH to think I was referring to him.

So today and today only I shall rebrand WizzAir* to WhiffAir......

And as there already has been a SoD, as a homage to my un-identified passenger who thought he would share his f@rt......this is for you my friend

*[sorry wizzair, it really isn't your fault other than for the daft name]

[Fart Postscript: since posting this entry, I saw this on youtube....... I need a policeman to travel overseas with me next time me thinks.....]

Not only was Friday not......

........ black....... but Monday is not Cyber either.....


Cyber Monday ? ....... Black Friday ?........ Cyber Monday .....who meks this bullox up ??


No, this Monday [or any Monday for that matter] is not Cyber......but in fact this Monday is therefore declared by ME, to be..........

 Latvia Monday

And so as Latvia beckons, whilst I look for me passport.... I will say.....Bob belt us out a SoD please   .......a Latvia Monday SoD no less.....