Being the news tart that I am...... my eye could not help but be caught by the odd stories published over the past few days.....
Imagine being the rookie journalist, and filled excitement and ambition and your editor sends you off with note book, dictaphone, camera and with the instructions ringing in yours ears...find the human interest elements to these son....
Your first assignment: Dog pisses on plane.... [see postscript update below]
Well this story certainly top trumps my farts on a plane, but quite how a story like makes it into the mainstream news I am not so sure, although I suppose dog pisses on a plane is mild compared to this....
I noticed that it was reported the dog was a guide dog for the blind, so one can imagine..... there sat the owner munching his pretzels washed down with a warm American beer, when all of a sudden he detects a warm flow to his trouser leg..... checking he hasn't turned his beer can upside, he continues with his munchies..... with the air hostess tapping him on the shoulder......excuse me sur.... your doog is relievin him self.... could you ask him to stop.... and whilst you're at it sur... could yoooou please stop fartin ......
And so impressed by your first ever published news report, the editor tells you to get on your bike and for your second assignment:
To interview Mr Robert Stewart. Of course what the editor didn't tell you was why Mr Stewart was news worthy, but no sooner do you remove your bike clips and whooooa..... now you know Mr Stewart shall make it to the front page.
And so it is, note book filled and pictures to grace any porn site, you wipe the man mess from your bike seat and head back off to the news room...
For what will be your most challenging assignment todate, assignment 3:
This you admit to yourself, is going to take some beating.
David Truscott, 43, repeatedly rolled around naked in liquid manure, called 'slurry', at a farm he had developed an obsession with in
Redruth, Cornwall.
Developed an obsession.... you don't say...... I think it might be a bit stronger than that surely ? And where I come from they call it shit not slurry....
He initially removed cow pats from Woodbury House Farm but his behaviour escalated so that Truscott regularly entered the farm in search of slurry.
So it seems he started with the tame stuff, just removing cow pats, but once he had got a taste for it [so as to speak] he immersed him self fully in his obsession.
Prosecuting, Eleanor Purkis revealed that he had previously received a 16-week sentence for stripping naked in the cattle pen, releasing the cattle and climbing into the slurry spreader
I can see a pattern emerging here and I don't think this is what you can call a clean hobby...
As you listen to Mr Truscott's tale unfold, you start to have doubts about your chosen profession, and you are seriously thinking of a change in career, if not a change in clothing having just interviewed Mr Truscott..... what ever you do, do not do the customary hand shake on departure...
[Dog pisses on a plane: postscript - It seems that according to other news sources, that Chris Law via twitter was reporting that the dog went the full 10 yards and started shittin all over..... So perhaps the story might have been this.....
There sat the owner munching his pretzels washed down with a warm American beer, when all of a sudden he detects a warm flow to his trouser leg..... checking he hasn't turned his beer can upside, he continues with his munchies..... with the air hostess tapping him on the shoulder......excuse me sur.... your doog is relievin him self.... could you ask him to stop.... and whilst you're at it sur... could yoooou please stop fartin ...... To which the dog owner thinks, jesus christ my farts smell fucking awful I don't remember eating that last night.....
And then I noticed the comment:
Diligent flight attendants on the US-Airways flight from Los Angeles to Philadelphia tried to clear up the mess, but reportedly ran out of paper towels.
‘The second time after the dog pooped they ran out of paper towels, they didn’t have anything else,’ passenger Steve McCall said.
If only Dave Truscott had been on the flight, they could have rolled him down the aisle and hey presto. I seriously think US Airways should get hold of David Truscott, I can see a fantastic win-win situation for both of them
Imagine being the rookie journalist, and filled excitement and ambition and your editor sends you off with note book, dictaphone, camera and with the instructions ringing in yours ears...find the human interest elements to these son....
Your first assignment: Dog pisses on plane.... [see postscript update below]
Well this story certainly top trumps my farts on a plane, but quite how a story like makes it into the mainstream news I am not so sure, although I suppose dog pisses on a plane is mild compared to this....
I noticed that it was reported the dog was a guide dog for the blind, so one can imagine..... there sat the owner munching his pretzels washed down with a warm American beer, when all of a sudden he detects a warm flow to his trouser leg..... checking he hasn't turned his beer can upside, he continues with his munchies..... with the air hostess tapping him on the shoulder......excuse me sur.... your doog is relievin him self.... could you ask him to stop.... and whilst you're at it sur... could yoooou please stop fartin ......
And so impressed by your first ever published news report, the editor tells you to get on your bike and for your second assignment:
To interview Mr Robert Stewart. Of course what the editor didn't tell you was why Mr Stewart was news worthy, but no sooner do you remove your bike clips and whooooa..... now you know Mr Stewart shall make it to the front page.
And so it is, note book filled and pictures to grace any porn site, you wipe the man mess from your bike seat and head back off to the news room...
For what will be your most challenging assignment todate, assignment 3:
This you admit to yourself, is going to take some beating.
Developed an obsession.... you don't say...... I think it might be a bit stronger than that surely ? And where I come from they call it shit not slurry....
He initially removed cow pats from Woodbury House Farm but his behaviour escalated so that Truscott regularly entered the farm in search of slurry.
So it seems he started with the tame stuff, just removing cow pats, but once he had got a taste for it [so as to speak] he immersed him self fully in his obsession.
Prosecuting, Eleanor Purkis revealed that he had previously received a 16-week sentence for stripping naked in the cattle pen, releasing the cattle and climbing into the slurry spreader
I can see a pattern emerging here and I don't think this is what you can call a clean hobby...
As you listen to Mr Truscott's tale unfold, you start to have doubts about your chosen profession, and you are seriously thinking of a change in career, if not a change in clothing having just interviewed Mr Truscott..... what ever you do, do not do the customary hand shake on departure...
Today's SoD was an easy choice
a repeat listening [but this is the
brilliant acoustic version]
brilliant acoustic version]
but for sure
I don't think they would have got it
on iTunes if they had used shit instead of dust
in the name of the song
There sat the owner munching his pretzels washed down with a warm American beer, when all of a sudden he detects a warm flow to his trouser leg..... checking he hasn't turned his beer can upside, he continues with his munchies..... with the air hostess tapping him on the shoulder......excuse me sur.... your doog is relievin him self.... could you ask him to stop.... and whilst you're at it sur... could yoooou please stop fartin ...... To which the dog owner thinks, jesus christ my farts smell fucking awful I don't remember eating that last night.....
And then I noticed the comment:
Diligent flight attendants on the US-Airways flight from Los Angeles to Philadelphia tried to clear up the mess, but reportedly ran out of paper towels.
‘The second time after the dog pooped they ran out of paper towels, they didn’t have anything else,’ passenger Steve McCall said.
If only Dave Truscott had been on the flight, they could have rolled him down the aisle and hey presto. I seriously think US Airways should get hold of David Truscott, I can see a fantastic win-win situation for both of them
