.... I posted before about saying good bye to someone you know you will never see again.... even though you and they will still continue to walk the same earth....
But funerals are different..... you are sort of saying good-bye....... but in a way it's too late.
So there I sat...... this time last week, in Mansfield.......listening to a saddened brother giving a very moving tribute to his older sister, given in Mandarin.... I didn't have a clue what he said, but like listening to a sad song, sung in a foreign language, you [I] just seem to understand.
As her brother gave his address...... I was sat square in front of him, and at the end he just stood there not knowing what to do next, I looked at him and he looked at me...... there was an acknowledgment.... and you could sense he didn't want to be saying this goodbye, not in Mandarin, not in English, not in any language....
Afterwards, as I left the funeral, I gave him my support for the way he spoke movingly about his sister..... I don't think he had a clue what I was saying.... but his other elder sister translated for me.
Of course we should never have met at all, he lives in China and I in Suffolk and yet 2 strangers brought together in Mansfield..... I say we should never have met, simply because his sister should never have died.... she was but a couple of months away from her 52nd birthday.... but she didn't die at god's hands..... she died because in a moment of madness, some evil fuckwit stabbed her but once and that is all it took to take away that life....
She was beautiful.... a kind caring, intelligent wonderful human being.......who has left this life far too soon.
But it was not just her brother and sister left bereft, there was/is my cousin, her husband..... who not only lost his wife to this terrible act but it was he who discovered her body..... what do you say to a man who has suffered this loss ?...... I didn't know what to say..... so as 2 middle aged men, I hugged him and beckoned him to stay strong.....
But it was not just her husband who suffered this loss too...... there was/is her 2 teenage daughters.... this is not what they should have to remember for the rest of their lives..... It is bad enough them losing their mum so prematurely....but in this manner...... what do you say to them ?
I was honest, I said to them I didn't know what to say for their loss..... it is never right for a middle aged man to hug a teenage girl....not these days...... I hugged them both and told them they had our love.
That's the thing with funeral's you are never sure what you should say.... for my dad's it was easier.... the words were etched in my heart.... I just had to find the courage to get them out in front of his family and friends.... it was not easy but as I stood next to his coffin I am glad I did......
And so after the funeral I said my good byes to the people there, many of whom were strangers to me.... thinking this was likely the last time I would speak/see many of them again..... I had almost completed the drive to my home in suffolk.....when up flashed my cousins name on the mobile.....
I stopped the car and as we spoke, he told me how when he had got home from his wife's funeral, the hospital had rung him.... to tell him his mother had died in the past hour.......
But funerals are different..... you are sort of saying good-bye....... but in a way it's too late.
So there I sat...... this time last week, in Mansfield.......listening to a saddened brother giving a very moving tribute to his older sister, given in Mandarin.... I didn't have a clue what he said, but like listening to a sad song, sung in a foreign language, you [I] just seem to understand.
As her brother gave his address...... I was sat square in front of him, and at the end he just stood there not knowing what to do next, I looked at him and he looked at me...... there was an acknowledgment.... and you could sense he didn't want to be saying this goodbye, not in Mandarin, not in English, not in any language....
Afterwards, as I left the funeral, I gave him my support for the way he spoke movingly about his sister..... I don't think he had a clue what I was saying.... but his other elder sister translated for me.
Of course we should never have met at all, he lives in China and I in Suffolk and yet 2 strangers brought together in Mansfield..... I say we should never have met, simply because his sister should never have died.... she was but a couple of months away from her 52nd birthday.... but she didn't die at god's hands..... she died because in a moment of madness, some evil fuckwit stabbed her but once and that is all it took to take away that life....
She was beautiful.... a kind caring, intelligent wonderful human being.......who has left this life far too soon.
But it was not just her brother and sister left bereft, there was/is my cousin, her husband..... who not only lost his wife to this terrible act but it was he who discovered her body..... what do you say to a man who has suffered this loss ?...... I didn't know what to say..... so as 2 middle aged men, I hugged him and beckoned him to stay strong.....
But it was not just her husband who suffered this loss too...... there was/is her 2 teenage daughters.... this is not what they should have to remember for the rest of their lives..... It is bad enough them losing their mum so prematurely....but in this manner...... what do you say to them ?
I was honest, I said to them I didn't know what to say for their loss..... it is never right for a middle aged man to hug a teenage girl....not these days...... I hugged them both and told them they had our love.
That's the thing with funeral's you are never sure what you should say.... for my dad's it was easier.... the words were etched in my heart.... I just had to find the courage to get them out in front of his family and friends.... it was not easy but as I stood next to his coffin I am glad I did......
And so after the funeral I said my good byes to the people there, many of whom were strangers to me.... thinking this was likely the last time I would speak/see many of them again..... I had almost completed the drive to my home in suffolk.....when up flashed my cousins name on the mobile.....
I stopped the car and as we spoke, he told me how when he had got home from his wife's funeral, the hospital had rung him.... to tell him his mother had died in the past hour.......
So it is, I find my self heading back for the funeral of my Auntie.....
my god mother.....
my cousins mum, 2 teenage girls grandmother.......
I am sure I will still not know what to say to them when I get there....
