....year go ?
There I was November 2011 going about my life and then suddenly things changed. The comfort of living with both my parents still alive changed with one phone call, that fateful call to say the big man had gone, he was at peace. Broke me bloody heart it did, still does....but it was not the only thing that got broke....
I came home from Australia after 3 weeks of sadness and what did I do ?.....gue on guess, .....you'll never guess...... gue on guess....
See, I knew you'd never guess, I broke my wrist falling down the stairs carrying a bed*. This was the first time I'd broke a bone properly as I don't count breaking the end of my finger bone when I nearly chopped my finger off, as counting as a proper bone break.
*[I realise that beds are meant to stay in bedrooms and not be on the stairs otherwise when you got in to bed to go to sleep, all the sheets would fall down to the bottom of the bed each time { and of course the clue is in the name of bedroom as opposed to bedstairs} but I thought moving a bed from upstairs, down the stairs would be easy...how wrong was I....... last time I had an accident on the stairs, I ended up in A&E with a Dyson embedded in my skull.....note to self -stay away from stairs]
So there I was hoping that the end of one year and the start of a new one was just a blip in things happening......
But how I look back at that/this year that has nearly gone and yet so much more did happen.
We had a house with a swimming pool and yet it got knocked down.........we had money in the bank, that was until our builder decided to help himself to almost all of it, when he was only supposed to have half of it.
And then came the big one.........
My wife got cancer, ....... now I can tell you, I didn't see that one coming.... to be fair nor did she... but I will tell you this, once you get your membership card to the Cancer Husband Club don't ever worry about forgetting to renew your membership, because you don't have to ....... it's a life time membership.
Cancer is shit..... wanna know why......well I will tell you....... its shit for the cancer patient and it's shit for all those around..... the spouse, the kids, the parents, the work colleagues the friends who you bump into in the street, who don't want to share your shit, but they are your friends thats why we call them friends and they listen patiently and intently as you off load on them and your eyes are welling up and still they listen intently and offer words of support, and thats why we have friends.....but should they have to share it ?
And then theres your wife..... the treatment is worse than the illness.... trust me it is....cancer must be one of the few illness that you go into hospital feeling fit and healthy and yet come out of hospital feeling shit.
Of course it's not the NHS fault, they think they are saving your life....its no ones fault really........ but how do you tell your wife she looks great, and some 6 months after seeing her so frail in hospital, she does look great . She looks well, healthy and alive.....and yet your words sound so facile.
All she sees are the scars that she will always carry, scars that say look..... you're a member of the cancer club. You know how on a passport application form it says any distinguishing marks ?..... well with cancer me thinks you're gunna need a bigger form !!
But as bad as it was/is, it wasn't all bad [although I would add cancer is not worth experiencing just to have the good things] but in all that pain and angst, humans are incredibly resilient**
........and so knee deep in this shit, [did I mention that cancer is shit ?....shit, shit, shit, shitty shit....it's shit I tell ya, shit it is.......] anyway as I was saying, our eldest daughter had her dissertation to complete, and complete it she did, but not just complete it, she came out with a 1st class Honors degree, and she is now completing her MA, having been awarded a scholarship to do so.
As for our youngest, well whilst knee deep in this shit with her mum, [see I told you it was shit], she had her A level exams to complete, and complete them she did, but not just complete them, she passed them and is now at University studying for a degree in Bio-medical science [which of all things covers cancer research ~ ironic really].
So there they were, these two young ladies, watching the pain and suffering of their mum, my beautiful daughters, at an age when they should not have been at risk of loosing their mum. They should have been out shopping, dining, and having fun with their mum, but instead were stood by a hospital bed wondering whether this would be another sad ending.
But it wasn't, it isn't........
......... and this weekend we are all back at home together to see Ben Howard in concert in Cambridge.....
so my song of today must surely be this song....
I love this song.....
**[ to see just how humans are resilient in the face of cancer, then check out Ryan at his blog here....
.......but Ryan got a one way ticket with his membership card..... of course in any life we all have a one way ticket, but Ryan shouldn't really be getting off this early should he ? .......... I hope Ryan is one of my 5 people I meet in heaven]
and this is the reason why.....
Ryan Woods died on 7th November 2012
God bless ya Ryan
God bless ya Ryan
