Set the scene:
Boss is in his car and out of the office for the whole day. It’s
a recent Friday and the web/email hosting supplier for my company plans to
migrate it’s customer accounts as a result of it’s decision to merge with
another company….Internutters…..[They are not really called that but it seems
appropriate]. According to the existing service provider, merger is in the
interests of it’s customers and will lead to improved service, but during the merger
customers will need to take no action as it will be...........
s e a m l e s s
Camera lights action ! :
Brrrrng…….brrrrrng…..brrrrng
Boss: Hi Steve, what’s up ?
Steve: Hi boss, there seems to be a problem with the emails, as the backup
machines are not downloading any emails.
Boss: oh, perhaps it’s to do with the merger of our service provider.
Ring their customer support help line and see what’s happening. Get back to me
and let me know what’s what.
Click……
call ends
Wife
[in passenger seat]: problem at the office dear ?
Husband
[neé Boss]: No, should be ok
A short while later……
Brrrrrng
……..brrrrng……brrrrrrng…
Boss: Hi Steve, what’s what ? did you speak to them ?
Steve: Hi Boss, I did…..
Boss: And ?
Steve: I got through to Tech support, but they have got that many problems
they are manning the tech support help line with sales staff, and they couldn’t
help at all……
Boss: Oh…… leave it with me I will give it a try…..
Click…..
call ends…….
Wife
[still in passenger seat]: problem at the office dear
?
Husband
[neé Boss]: No, should be ok
Brrrrrng
brrrrrng brrrng…….
Service
provider [recorded message] :Thank you for your
call, if your call is about sales please press 1, if your call is for tech
support help, please press 2
Boss: presses 2……..
Help
line [recorded message]: Your call is important to
us. Due to the merger of our business, our tech support line is very busy, you
are in a queue, please be patient and we will answer your call as soon as
possible……
……..
a short while later
Help
line [human being]: Thank you for your call, how
may I help you ?
Boss: We have a problem with our emails and they are not down loading,
can you please help ?
Help
line [human being]: Our tech support is very busy
today, have you checked our web site for the FAQ section
Boss: Can’t you help me ?
Help
line [human being]: Sorry no, you need tech support
Boss: So what are you then ?
Help
line [human being]: Sales…..
Boss: But I pressed 2 for tech support
Help
line [human being]: Yes I know, but all our tech support
staff are busy with technical problems with the merger, so they have put sales
staff on the help line
Boss: So you can’t help me with a technical problem then ?
Help
line [human being]: No sir, sorry, but you’ll have
to speak to tech support or try our FAQ on our web site
Boss: I’ll ring back later….!
Click…….
Call ends
Wife
[still in passenger seat]: problem at the office dear
?
Husband
[neé Boss]: No, should be ok
A
short while later ……..
Brrrrrrng
brrrrng brrrrrng
Boss: Hi Steve what’s up now ?
Steve: We are not getting any emails at all now, we’ve not had any emails
for the last 2 hours or so, but worse still we can’t now send out any emails.
[with
an annual email through put of around 20,000 emails {excluding viagramail}
things are starting to seem anything but seamless]
Boss: I’ll try tech support again, I got the same response as you did.
Leave it with me
Steve: Ok boss
Click……
call ends
Wife
[still in passenger seat]: problem at the office dear
?
Husband
[neé Boss]: No, should be ok
Brrrrrng
brrrrrng brrrng…….
Service
provider [recorded message] :Thank you for your
call, if your call is about sales please press 1, if your call is about tech
support help please press 2
Boss: presses 2……..
Help
line [recorded message]: Your call is important to
us. Due to the merger of our business, our tech support line is very busy, you
are in a queue, please be patient and we will answer your call as soon as
possible……
……..
a short while later
Help
line [human being]: Thank you for your call, how
may I help you ?
Boss: Are you tech support or sales ?
Help
line [human being]: Oooooh, I am tech support sir
Boss: We have a problem with our emails and they are not down loading can
you please help ?
Help
line [human being]: What’s your customer number sir
?
Boss: “recounts customer number and
password”
Help
line [human being]: That’s your old customer number
and password sir, your account has now
been merged and we have given you a new customer number, could you please tell
me your new customer number
Boss: I don’t know my new customer number, where will I get that
information ?
Help
line [human being]: We emailed it to you this
morning
Boss: But I can’t get my emails, my emails are not downloading, that’s
why I am ringing you, I need help to download my emails now that you have
buggered up our emails
Help
line [human being]: Oh. Can you please tell me your
customer number and I will try and help you sir
Boss: “recounts customer number and
password”
Help
line [human being]: That’s your old customer number
and password sir, your account has now been merged and we have given you a new
customer number, could you please tell me your customer number
Boss: I don’t know my new customer number, where will I get that
information ?
Help
line [human being]: We emailed it to you this
morning
Boss: But I can’t get my emails, my emails are not downloading, that’s
why I am ringing you, I need help to download my emails now that you have
buggered up our emails
Help
line [human being]: Oh. Can you please tell me your
customer number and I will try and help you sir
Click……….
call ends…….
Boss brings car to rest at next layby and
then slowly bangs head against dash board whilst sobbing quietly…….
Wife
[still in passenger seat]: problem at the office
dear?
Husband
[neé Boss]: please open the glove box and pass me
the medicinal compound……..
Todays SoD is dedicated to the idiot
management at Internutters……..
